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#51643 - 05/04/09 12:24 PM Free Pre-Tryout Clinics
radical
Unregistered


In the spirit of the (potential) on-coming madness, concerned parents are forming a pre-tryout clinic. This clinic will specificall cover the differing arts of being "a unicorn prancer" or "a snake-oil salesman", as well as other tryout season elements. Additional classes may be added, as necessary.

***********

Session 1 - attending multiple tryouts. Ways to keep your child in peak performance shape so that he/she can attend more than one tryout and has multiple options for next year. Medical experts will speak about rest and a good diet. Soccer experts will guide you to the best cleats available. Also will show driving times and optimal routes between tryouts being held on the same day.

Session 2 - clandestine recon. How to "try out" for another team, but pass it off as recon for your coach. Key phone calls to make. How to act during the tryout. Things your kid shouldn't do at the tryout, lest they get an offer.

Session 3 - getting the call. How to get your kid on the other coach's list. Once on "the list", parents can get a recruiting call that really isn't a recruiting call under state rules. "The call" is one where you know your kid has a spot regardless of whether he/she shows up to tryouts. You will even learn how to get the name of which poor child the coach is going to boot to make room for your kiddo.

Session 4 - ignoring the noise. Proper ways to respond on this board and in public conversations, justifying your team's performance, discounting your opponents success, and still maintaining a healthy example for your kid.

Session 5 - bobble head. How to tell your coach and other team families that "yes" you are staying with enough "no" in the response. The listener will think what they heard is want they wanted to hear. Note: our current president has this down to an art.

Session 6 - talking with your kid. Important tools to lead your kid to making the "right" decision you know is in their best interest.

Session 7 - getting a (new) team manager, when a vacancy opens. Hint: all the work, no glory - selling this job and making the manager love it.

Session 8 - should my kid "play up"? If you think she is the next Mia Hamm or he's the next [INSERT NAME], play them up. This session teaches you the key pros to compare your kid to before making the decision.

Session 9 - post try-out gloating. How to predict success of next year's team, when they are under-going major physical, psychological, and hormonal changes (did I spell any of those right?). Learning the subtle way to predict how your kid will do better than my kid.

Session 10 - team bonding. The magic glue that makes it all work nicely. Skills for parents to hold hands on the sideline and sing Koom by Yah (sp?) at half-time. Guarantees MRL success in the future.

Session 11 - mass exodus. Proper ways to organize a coup and hints on what doesn't work. Several guest speakers for this topic. Anti-coach posters and other pamphlet examples will be available for pre-coup planning.

***********
Fees negotiable. Accepting credit card, check, cash, coins, GM/AIG/Chrysler stock, debit card, and certain bartered goods/services.


Edited by radical (05/04/09 04:28 PM)

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#51644 - 05/04/09 12:58 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: ]
freekick Offline
addict

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 414
Valuable sessions.

Are you going to offer a "rain-out" optional session on "How to post your team's free tryout on the forum without upsetting the moderators and having them remove it?" Possible guest presentors could be other long-time posters/parents/managers who have been successful in doing it by using other terminology ... clinic/training/workout/camp.

I've seen so many of these free ones over the last 9 months, haven't you? smile

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#51646 - 05/04/09 01:18 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: freekick]
radical
Unregistered


Originally, I had a list of sessions/classes that I had placed on my initial post. I have since removed them. Why?

My comments were meant in jest. Examples were taken from the past 10 or so years of soccer I've watched. However, I've already had one parent e-mail me that one of my "joke" comments has already happened to them - a request to "guest play" for state cup for another team.

Honestly, I hate this time of year in soccer for certain reasons. Every year, I watch heated departures of some of my kids' teammates/families. Obviously, it is up to each family what "fits" for them - economically, socially, goals being met or not, and other reasons.

I guess what gets to me most is that adults, who I thought were reasonable, begin acting like total mules.

So I don't come across as a preacher, which I am not trying to do, I am sure that I come across just as nutty to others watching me.

I do not subscribe to the "let's just all get along". I don't think people are hard-wired like that.

I am hopeful that this year doesn't turn into the circus the last few years at my kid's age group has been.

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#51647 - 05/04/09 01:21 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: freekick]
radical
Unregistered


Originally Posted By: freekick
Valuable sessions.

Are you going to offer a "rain-out" optional session on "How to post your team's free tryout on the forum without upsetting the moderators and having them remove it?" Possible guest presentors could be other long-time posters/parents/managers who have been successful in doing it by using other terminology ... clinic/training/workout/camp.

I've seen so many of these free ones over the last 9 months, haven't you? smile


The frugal part of me would love to see free clinics. In reality, my kid is not on any coach's list to where it'd make a difference. Plus, we don't have time to cart them around in our already full schedule.

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#51650 - 05/04/09 01:33 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: ]
freekick Offline
addict

Registered: 04/02/08
Posts: 414
Sure radical, I can see through your thinly vailed attempts at humor. This was all just an elaborate scheme to get you to 100 posts. smile

Your list was really good and I wish you would have left it posted. But, were you really surprised that this year (or next) would be any different than the last 10 that you referenced. Of course recruiting will happen (state cup and other) and of course this year will be another ring in the circus ...

Sorry if I seem pesimistic, but I too have seen 10+ years and I believe the circus is getting more crazy/weird each year rather than more fun. That's why I enjoy seeing posts with humor in them - it makes this all more bareable.

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#51666 - 05/04/09 04:13 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: ]
messi Offline
journeyman

Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 88
Originally Posted By: radical
.......Honestly, I hate this time of year in soccer for certain reasons. Every year, I watch heated departures of some of my kids' teammates/families. Obviously, it is up to each family what "fits" for them - economically, socially, goals being met or not, and other reasons.


Blashphemer!!!! Professed nonbeliever of "let's just all get along" breath.

Perhaps you are actually one of those despised "unicorn prancers" who have. . . , I can hardly bring myself to say it,. . . STAYED with your team. Obviously, you are the problem or you would be gone too. Rejoice in the heated departures from your team. Why have you not partaken in the spirit of unity with your departed, but concerned bretheren, who have left seeking for that perfect "fit"? Why are you not also leaving in "unison" with the others rather than subjecting yourself to the risk of being branded a "unicorn prancer". Elitist maybe?

You may have been blessed with one of those "Gordon Gecko" parents and did not even know it--which explains your ungrateful attitude. You know, that selfless "concerned" parent who rises up from their oppression and decides to leave and pursue that perfect economic/social/developmental "fit" for his or her kid and family; but also is unselfish enough to enlighten as many other parents on the team as he/she can too so they can also embark on the journey and enjoy the greener pastures. When done well, the "Gordon Gecko" parent is able to effectively dismantle or destory the team in the process too. This is always good for everyone. Sounds like your team is still around so your "Gordon Gecko" parent must have been less skilled and experienced; too bad for you---you still have a team. Remember how it was not enough for Mr. Gecko to just buy and sell---he wanted to destroy; talk about killer instinct. Anyway, they do their best work around tryout time, so many will probably have the privilege of witnessing their magic shortly. Coaches are always licking their chops hoping to land one of those. Kind of unfair as it gives the "gecko kids" an unfair advantage during tryouts.

Wonder if old paulie is a "Gecko" parent. Hmmmm.

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#51667 - 05/04/09 04:18 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: messi]
radical
Unregistered


Re-inserted the schedule by request above.

Taking class requests...


Edited by radical (05/04/09 04:29 PM)

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#51676 - 05/04/09 05:36 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: ]
messi Offline
journeyman

Registered: 12/06/08
Posts: 88
Make sure you line up some Master level (minimum) "Gecko Parents" to teach session 5 and session 11. A high level of expertise is required to teach someone how to delicately stab one's coach and fellow team parents (not involved in a coup)in the back and still come out smelling like a Rose instead of a piece of s--t. wink

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#51681 - 05/04/09 05:47 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: messi]
radical
Unregistered


Gordon Gecko "I beg your pardon, is that a proverb?"

Carl Fox: "No, a prophecy... I know what this guy is all about, greed. He don't give a ... and he don't take prisoners."

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#51686 - 05/04/09 06:24 PM Re: Free Pre-Tryout Clinics [Re: messi]
paulie_walnuts Offline
enthusiast

Registered: 07/31/07
Posts: 360
Loc: West Virginny
Originally Posted By: messi
Originally Posted By: radical
.......Honestly, I hate this time of year in soccer for certain reasons. Every year, I watch heated departures of some of my kids' teammates/families. Obviously, it is up to each family what "fits" for them - economically, socially, goals being met or not, and other reasons.


Blashphemer!!!! Professed nonbeliever of "let's just all get along" breath.

Perhaps you are actually one of those despised "unicorn prancers" who have. . . , I can hardly bring myself to say it,. .

Wonder if old paulie is a "Gecko" parent. Hmmmm.



Heya fancy pants Messi! I ain't no Gecko parunt, nots at all, thankyu. I m best deescribed as one of dem unikorn prancers! I knew me one of dem geckos tho, real real bad news, i tell ya. i gets shivers down me neck just thinkin of dem.

by the by, Oliver Stone is makin a seekwul to Wall Street and he's got that kirk douglas fella's son all signed up to do GG agin. I cants wait fur it!

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